Inner Thought
by usagirl
Summary: *FINISHED* Usagi's and Mamoru inner thoughts. Usagi's doubts and fears and Mamoru's revelations after Usagi Leaves.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Inner Thoughts

Author: Usagirl

A/N: Have very little time but inspiration struck. These are Usagi's thoughts of Mamoru. Little off. Now on with the story.

Inner Thoughts

I look at you. You are so proud and handsome and everything I am not. Graceful, intelligent, self assured, beautiful, I mean not many guys can be called beautiful but you pull it off without a flaw. Some times... Sometimes I wonder why you are with me. I am nothing special just an ordinary girl... well if your definition of ordinary is a reincarnated princess of 1000 years ago. 

I wish I was like her. She is what you deserve. She is your match not me. Sometimes I wonder if you would be happier with out me. I always seem to get in your way. You don't have anything in common with me any more. It makes me jealous when I see you talking so intently with my friends... because you never talk that way with me... And I know I shouldn't be jealous but I am so afraid of losing you even though I don't deserve you. It reminds me of a poem I once read.

__

My Love is like the Earth

Proud strong and Beautiful

And I am like the moon

Small and devoted

And as the moon circles the Earth

I circle you

Totally devoted to you.

But at times the Earth eclipses the moon

And for that shadow of the second the moon is forgotten

No one notices the moon any more

It is only there to compliment the Earth

And Hang on its every word

I am like the moon 

And my love is the Earth

The proud beautiful Earth

And I am the forgotten moon 

I don't remember where I heard it but it does sound like us no? Sometimes I think of the times I almost lost you. My heart was breaking. The others said they understood but no one can understand. The pain in my heart was unbearable, they couldn't understand. And when you came back... when you came back you acted like nothing had happened for a little while you treated me extra special but as soon as someone came you went into your indifferent self. Now I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. You are perfection and I am a slob. Everyone has told me so...even you. And then I think that you are only with me because of the Silver Millennium. And sometimes I think that it is true. But when I look into your eyes I don't want it to be true. Even though...even though deep within me I know the truth.

I have come to a decision. I am leaving. You all have said I am not fit to be a leader, sailor scout or princess. I will do it tonight I will no longer live a lie. You can be happy now. I would do anything to make you happy even if it means to leave you. I see you talking to Rei, Ami, Minako and Makoto. You never seem that happy with me. The tears are coming again. I quickly squash them though because that would draw attention to me. 

No one will notice me if I leave. They are all to enraptured with you. I know they all have feelings for you. Who wouldn't? I hope you are happy with one of them. I would tell you I am leaving but I would rather think that you loved me for a little bit than knowing the truth. I quietly walk away so they won't notice and they don't.

"Goodbye my love my friends we may meet again someday." The wind carried away my whisper I hope you are happy. I know I am not but I would do anything...anything at all to make you happy. I continue on because if I look back again I will not be able to leave. And tonight I am taking the crystal and my life away from Tokyo forever.

I pack everything of value that I have. Including our locket. Tears stream down my face again. My heart aches. But I have to do this to make you happy. I sneak out of my room so my parents don't hear. Luna's not here. Probably at Ami's or at your house talking about the negaverse. But I continue into the park. Once I reached the rose gardens I stopped and pulled out my crystal.

"Silver Crystal I call upon your power take me home." Tears are streaming down my face but I have to do this to make you happy. The light of the Silver Crystal surrounds me. And my last words in Tokyo are.

"Goodbye my friends, my family, my love, mostly to you my love. Goodbye Mamoru." The light diminishes and I am no longer there. I hope you all are happy.

The End Or not...

Please email me or review me and tell me if I should continue or not PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!. I hope you enjoyed I will try to work on my other stories soon kay.

usagirl *~_~*


	2. what have I done

Title Inner thoughts

Author usagirl

Part 2

A/n This is part two of inner thoughts it is in Darien view before he finds out she ran away. On with the story...

Inner Thoughts 

She is my everything. The only thing that is truly important in my life. Usagi. The way she laughs. The way her eyes sparkly when she is happy. And when she cries I can it breaks my heart. I know a lot of people think I am cold and distant from her, but have you seen her Father if I showed outward affection to her in public and some one told him I would be a dead man walking. I know she would never betray me. She is too good for that. Yet she still doubts my love for her. And I know I probably shouldn't get this way but when she is jealous it lets me know she truly cares for me and only me. And I can say I don't do much to sooth her fears. I always push her away when she needs me the most. I...I never was good at expressing affection. Every since the accident I have been afraid that if I let someone into close I would lose them like my parents, or like how I lost Serenity in the Silver Millennium. Usagi is my only family now, that and her friends. They are like little sisters to me, but to tell you the truth I wouldn't spend so much time with them if they weren't Usako friends and in the past my guardians love. Even then they always bothered me. I try to interact with them the best I can but I would rather spend time with my Usako. Sweet... Sweet Usako. My love. I wish there was away to express my feelings towards you but I don't know how. You have always been the loving one in the relationship. Always open about everything. But I am still afraid to show you how I really feel. And my heart saddens when I think that I am put her threw some much pain. She deserves someone so much better but I am unwilling to give her up. And lately I have seen that she is depressed. She is not my bouncy bright-eyed beautiful goddess Usako. And yet I cannot tell you that every time I try the opposite comes out. I can't help it when I criticize you but honestly I wouldn't change a thing. Her eyes no longer hold their special sparkly her heart-warming smile is almost non-existent. Her laugh that can brighten a room is conspicuously absent. And as I sit in the arcade I have a sense of dread come over me. Usako. Usako what have you done. I can no longer sense your life force. I can feel you are still alive but... where are you Usako? My hearts stops please Usako you couldn't have... You couldn't have... My thoughts were interuputed and my fears had proven true. Ikkuko looked bewildered.

"Has anyone seen Usa?" No one had seen her.

"What is wrong Ikkuko is Usagi okay?" I heard Andrew ask. And I felt tears sting my eyes. It's my fault. It my fault. I should've been more loving towards her. I should've. been more caring no she gone because of me. I drove her away. She left me.

"Usagi's run away. She left me this note." 

To be continued...

I know it is pretty short but I will try to get the next chapter out soon. Ja ne

usagirl


	3. Tears of loss

Title: Inner Thoughts

Author: Usagirl

A/N I hope you all like it. Go read my other stories and stop by my site and sign my guestbook. Thanks to Ashley for Editing*~_~*

Inner Thought

Mamoru was on the verge of crying, but he managed to choke out, "What did the note say?" His voice was mangled with fear and sadness.

Ikkuko was shaking and tears started to cling to her cheeks. Her voice quivered, "It says that she doesn't want to be a burden to us anymore and... and that she is sorry we could never be proud of her. *sob* That she wishes that everyone will be happy and *sniff* that she would miss us all *sob*. It also said how she was sorry for disappointing everyone and she was going home." By that time she was sobbing uncontrollably. Mamoru was looking at her quizzically. 

"Mamoru, she also had a letter in here for you. I didn't read it because I wanted to respect your privacy." She thrust the letter in his hands and ran out of the door, sobbing in a perfect imitation of Usagi. 

Mamoru looked at the soft pink envelope with a small bunny in the corner. She always did love bunnies. His name was scrawled in her messy writing and there looked to be tear stains on it. With trembling hands he opened the envelope and pulled out a pink piece of paper.

'Dear Mamoru,

I am going to miss you my love. I bet you are wondering why I left. I am not sure how to say this but I guess I'll put it the best way I know how. Lately, my love for you has been burning brighter than ever, but you seem to be, how should I put this, becoming distant towards me. I know I am not the princess I once was and I never will be again. She was raised as a princess; proper and all that other stuff and I was not. I realize now the only reason you stay with me is because of our past and for awhile I didn't even care. Just to be yours and knowing I was yours was enough for me, but I can't do this to you any more...'

Tears were streaming down his face. 'She did this because of me. What does any of this have to do with what she did to me?' He continued on with the letter.

'...making you live a lie. I know I'll never be good enough for you. Half the time I don't know what you are talking about. I guess I really am an Odango Atama. You can talk about almost anything with my friends but hardly ever say a word to me. Maybe if I was more intelligent like Ami or beautiful like Rei and talented like Minako, maybe than I would deserve you. Like yesterday in the park, you were talking so intently to them, you didn't even spend time with me or notice when I walked off. They are what you deserve, not me. And I hope you are happy with one of them...'

Mamoru was choking back sobs at the words in the letter and noticed there were tear marks on the paper.

'...it was never said that you had to marry the moon princess for the moon and earth to unite. In all truth you could marry any one of the senshi. I bet you would have liked to know that sooner, instead of hanging around with me. I would've told you, I should have told you, but knowing you were mine for one instant made my life complete. I know I can never be anything more than I am. I have realized that. When I did realize it, I knew I could no longer hold you down. I have one request, when you get married and have children, never bring them to the moon. For if you do, I will remember exactly what I lost and I might do something foolish. If you do come to the moon I will make sure you and the scouts will never see me. I no longer want to ruin your lives. My first grade teacher said I would never amount to anything and I guess she was right. No need to worry, I'll be safe and I don't want you to feel guilty. So what I am trying to say is...'

"No Usako, no it can't be," Mamoru whispered to himself. Tear marks, old and new, had stained the paper.

'...goodbye my love, my heart, my soul. Goodbye Mamo-chan.

Forever Yours,

Usagi Tskuno'

"This can't be happening, this can't be happening." And with those few words he flew out of the arcade.

To be continued....

I don't know should I get straight to the U/M stuff or do a piece on each of the Sensh's thoughts of Usagi leaving,. Email me and review.

Usagirl


	4. Why?

Title: Inner Thoughts

Authors: Usagirl

Sorry this took so long. I have been really busy with various things and the fact I have lacked inspiration for a long time. I am going to have a new story out soon. Just the first chapter, once I am done revising it. And I would do one with the senshi's thoughts and feeling but I am just not getting the angel to it. There might be some of them later but for now this is it.

~~~~~

A million thought rushed through Mamoru's head. _I just couldn't believe it. She was gone. My life was gone. The only person I could truly love was gone. Now the question was, how to get her back. And more importantly where was she? _Mamoru sighed and closed his eyes.

__

Why Usako? Why did you have to leave me? I know I am not the best at showing emotions, but did you really think I don't love you? I can't believe this. How can I be with another girl, if I am in love with you? How can she think so little of herself? She is the greatest thing in the world. This just can't be happening.

Mamoru was on the verge of crying again. So many questions but only one girl had the answers. 

Meanwhile..

Usagi sighed. She was so lonely. But she would do this to make Mamo-chan happy.

"Oh Mamo-chan... I miss you so much...but I want you to be happy. That is good enough for me, is you being happy. I wonder what girl you are going to chose. I mean you and Rei are both very...well... I'm not sure but you both are alike. You and Ami are both smart so maybe you will pick her, or maybe Makoto. Even Minako.... I don't really care as long as you are happy..."

"You were always such a liar Princess." Usagi's head snapped around.

"I am not."

"Oh really. How can you say that you will be happy if he is happy, when in fact you are making him miserable."

"What are you talking about Pluto?" Pluto bowed in front of her Princess.

"Oh come now Princess you no very well what I mean. He is in absolute pain without you. He mourns even more than you. And he was the one that was supposed to feel better about this, right?"

"Of course. He should be ecstatic now that I am gone. Now he has no obligation to feel he needs to marry me."

"Well it seems you plan has backfired Princess." Usagi looked bewildered.

"What do you mean backfired?"

"When I last left him he was crying and trying to figure out where you could of gone."

She shook her head, "That can't be right."

Pluto sighed, "Why do you think you are so unworthy of love my Princess? You are one of the nicest people I know. You are so kind and gentle. And you have saved this world so many times. Why can't you believe you are worthy of happiness?" There was a brief pause and Usagi kept her eyes fixated on the ground.

She whispered sadly, "Because I am not."

Pluto looked bewildered and for the first time since the conversation had begun lost her nonchalant attitude, "WHAT?!"

Usagi sighed and looked in to Pluto's eyes. In their depths was a longing, and a dark emotion. One that she was not meant to feel. They did not seem like her eyes anymore, but that of a strangers. They had lost the sparkle and light of them. Pluto could only stare into them.

"I know I am not and I realize it now. I have accepted finally after everyone else already has," Pluto stood dumbfounded, "I know, I am not smart like Ami, or self confident and proud like Rei. I am not a good cook or strong like Makoto, or beautiful and talented like Minako or Michiru. I can't even compare to Haruka or you."

Usagi voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears.

"That day in the park, when I saw Mamoru with the girls, he looked so happy and relaxed. He was laughing and having a good time. He is always so reserved around me. He seems more at ease with them. I realized that he doesn't like to be around me. So I don't want to bother him any more. With me out of the way they all can be happy. I mean I am always told of my numerous mistakes. I know it bother them. I can't seem to do anything right. That is until now. With me out of the way they all can be happy. They don't have to worry about my mistakes and carry on with there life."

Usagi started to cry silently.

"I know they can be happy and I don't want to be in the way of that. No matter how much sadness it brings me I don't want to be in the way of their future and happiness. And no matter what anyone says I am not going to think otherwise."

As Usagi ended her declaration tears were streaming down her cheeks. Pluto hung her head down and slowly walked away from her Princess. Tears of sadness slowly crept down her cheek. And silently she vowed to herself this will end with her Princess happy. Her Princess deserved to be happy.

And with the resounding clicks of her shoes on the floor she left her Princess to fulfill her do to protect her Princess. And in this case it was her Princess's heart that was at stake.

To be continued....

I am sorry boring and short chapter but I did the best I could at the moment. I am sorry for any gramical mistakes but I edited it myself and that is not one of my strong suits.

~usagirl 


	5. NOW GOD DAMMIT!

Inner Thought

Author Usagirl

Aww... Inspiration. How I love it. Thank for the reviews. On with the story...

~~~~~

Mamoru sat on his couch , his head in his hands.

"Where could she be? I mean she has no money, she couldn't off gotten that far..." But a little voice in the back of his mind plagued him.

__

She could be anywhere by now and you know it. She has the power and determination to do whatever she wants. What's to say she couldn't be somewhere else with someone else?

Mamoru shook his head to banish the thoughts, "No, Usagi wouldn't do that. She loves me. I love her. WE LOVE EACH OTHER!"

"Are you so certain of that?" Mamoru eyes snapped open.

"Who?"

"Don't act so surprised my Prince. I always come if there is a disturbance in the timeline."

"Pluto," Mamoru said flatly, "Why are you here?"

"As I stated before I always show up if there is a disturbance..."

"What disturbance?" Mamoru demanded sharply.

"I am surprised you have to ask. I mean with the Princess leaving you and all..."

"Usako did not leave me." Mamoru's gaze had turned into a glare. Sailor Pluto smiled inwardly.

"She is not here but at the Palace. It seems like she left you to me... I wonder who she is going to marry in the future. Wait, I know I will go look. I am sure she will be much happier..."

As Pluto continued on only one thought raced through Mamoru's head, _She's at the Palace. She's at the Palace. The Palace. Must get to the Palace. _Mamoru stood up abruptly.

"Is there something wrong my Prince?"

"Take me to the Palace now." Again Sailor Pluto smiled inwardly, _Guess my work is done but let's see if he can convince her._

"I don't think the Princess will appreciate it..."

"TAKE ME NOW DAMN IT!" Mamoru's eyes were furious.

"There is no need to get so touchy my Prince. You only need to ask and it shall be done." One of his eyes began to twitch. _Oh...I remember that twitch. He is getting pissed off. Oh how I love to tick him off..._

"Will you take me to the Palace?"

"Aww...Where's your manners?" His eye twitched again.

"Will you _please_ take me to the Palace?" He put extra emphasis on the word please.

"Well I don't kno..." Mamoru eye twitched again and this time Mamoru snapped.

"Take me to the Palace _now _or you will be dealing with one pissed off Prince," Pluto opened her mouth to say something, " I SAID NOW GOD DAMMIT!" 

For the first time in her life Pluto knew she had gone to far and weakly nodded.

"Come my Prince." She held out her hand and Mamoru grabbed it. They were then engulfed in a silver light.

__

Usako I will get you back. I will. I love you.

And then they were gone.

To be continued...

Short I know, but I am planning to make the next chapter longer and of course it will be the end...Well I hope so anyways. I am sorry if it seems short. Nothing really depressing in this chapter. Next one will be better. I will try to have it out in a week or two. Please Review. Thanks.

~usagirl


	6. I thought

Inner Thought

Author Usagirl

OMG! The last chapter. And my first complete fic. Needs to celebrate but I can wait til later.

~~~~~~

The two appeared before the majestic Palace in a haze of silver light. Mamoru left Sailor Pluto standing there and went on a frantic search for his Princess.

"Let Serenity go with and pray all will be right. You two have already disturbed the timeline enough as it is." Pluto sighed and walked away.

Mamoru's mind reeled. _Where could she be? Where the hell could she be. I need to find her. Make things right. Oh Usako I love you so much why did you have to leave in the first place... NO! Stop! I am not going to start thinking about these things again. I love her, she loves me that is all that's important. Now how to find her and bring her home. _Mamoru took several deep breaths.

"Now if I was emotional distraught..." _Which you are,_ The little voice in his head taunted. "And needed a place to calm down." _Which you do. _"I would go..." _You really don't need to think about it that much, _the little voice Jeered. "The rose gardens."

Mamoru started off with a quick place to the rose gardens but the more he moved the slower he paces went until he came to a complete stop. His mind was betraying him again. _What am I going to say to get her to come back? How am I going to convince her to come back? I need her. But what if she doesn't need me or love me anymore. Oh Usako... What can I do to convince you I love you?_

Mamoru slowly started to walk again. "Please Usako, some back to me. I need you." 

Tears gathered in his eyes as he continued on his way to the rose garden. "Please Usako please."

~~~~~~~~

Usagi sat in the rose garden staring in the stars. She knew she had done the right thing but yet the pain in her heart made her doubt her self. 

"It is for the best. It has always been for the best. I am not going to let honor or tradition get in the way of his happiness, even if it destroys mine. But I could never be happy with him knowing that he stayed with me out of honor and tradition, but I can't be happy without him either. Life never will be easy for me will it?"

__

Of course not, you are the legendary Moon Princess. The legendary warrior. You were not meant to have ANYTHING easy. Love, friendship, honor and hope. You worked so hard but you are constantly belittled. No one realized how hard you did work and try. Maybe you weren't only running away from your beloved Mamoru, but your friends and family also...

"No... That's not why. I did it so Mamoru could be happy. IT WAS ALL FOR HIM!"

__

As Pluto said you were always such a great liar Princess. Admit it you couldn't stand there comments. How they always made you feel small. They never appreciated you. You tried but you were always the one who they complained about. Just tell the truth you weren't running away from only from him but all of them. In a way the are all like him...

"Why are you doing this...They aren't like that..."

__

Face the facts, they all in a way relate to each other. Rei lost her mother when she was young and was sent to leave with her Grandpa. She became cold too, didn't let to many people near her and pushes people away. She used her powers as away to frighten people off. Then there is Ami who's mother and father are divorced. Her mother is hardly there so she became came quiet and self reserved. Makoto lost her parents too, so she became tough and unknowingly used her strength to scare people away. And then there is Minako, the blonde who's parents you never see. Now I figure she uses her ditzy ness to ward off people too. Face the facts my dear Princess the only reason the get along so well is because they have that one thing to relate with... being lonely... You feel left out because you can't relate with them but you are one of the reasons why the bond was strengthened. They have gone from being lonely to having you as their bond... And know you have taken that bond away...

Usagi shook her head, " Where are all these thoughts coming from? I am getting so confused." Usagi slowly shut her eyes. But her mind was slowly starting to see the connection. "Why am I so sleepy..." Usagi slowly laid down and fell asleep, the thoughts from before still going through her head.

Pluto smiled from the behind a pillar. "Now everything should work out smoothly. Hopefully the darling Prince won't mess it up..."

~~~~

Mamoru stood in front of the door to the garden. He knew his Usako was inside. 

"All I need is to go through those doors and I will be able to see Usako again..."

__

How do you know she even wants you even more? Hmmm... And even if she does, what are you going to say to get her to come back with you? If I was you I would just give up on it...I mean it's not like you can't find somebody else.

"No," Mamoru stated with finality, "Usako is mine and she is the only one for me. I don't care what happens I am going to have her back." And with that Mamoru slowly opened the door to the rose garden. The garden always seemed to amaze him with the variety of roses. Especially the blood red roses that was the symbol for his love for her. And that was when he saw her. His beautiful Usako, sleeping in a mass of hair and rose petals surrounded her. No goddess could compare to her beauty.

Without thinking he reached down and touched her face. "Oh Usako my love..." And with that thought on his mind he bent down and kissed her soft lips...

~~~~ 

Usagi awoke to a very comforting feeling. All thoughts flew out of her mind as she felt someone's lips against hers. She sighed contentedly and kissed back...

__

Oh Mamoru, her mind sighed. 

__

No this can't be happening. What is he doing here? This isn't right. This isn't right... But it feels so good...How can something this right feel so good...

A tear streamed down her cheek as thoughts collided in her head.

~~~~

Mamoru was in complete heaven. _This feels so right. _

But Mamoru' hand encountered a tear from Usagi's face...and he slowly drew away. Usagi eyes were down cast and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Why do you cry my love?" Mamoru asked his voice shaking.

In the tiniest of voices Usagi whispered, " Because this is not right..."

"WHAT?!" Mamoru fairly shrieked, Usagi's eyes shot up to Mamoru face at the pain in his voice, "How can this not be right? I love you. That's all that matters. I don't care about the other girls, I don't care about the past all I know is I love you." He grabbed a red rose and held it up to her, "This rose has been a symbol of love for over a thousand years. It has not wilted. It has survived and remained as beautiful and as red as the first time I have seen you, no wait it has become even more beautiful since the first time I have seen you. I would never lie to you about something as important as this. If our love faded so would the rose, but it is still here. IT IS STIL HERE USAKO!"

Usagi looked down, "But I thought that you would be happier..."

Mamoru's voice broke as he looked at her, "STOP! Just stop thinking. Just stop thinking. What do you feel when you are with me? Because when I am with you I feel safe and content and so loved. I have never felt like that Usako. I feel like I don't have to talk with you to keep our bond there because I would be content to just die in your arms knowing that you loved me and I loved you," Tears streamed down Usagi's face. "Now the question is, how do you feel about me Usako. Tell me how you feel about me."

"I love you more than anything Mamo-chan but..." Mamoru's mouth silenced hers.

"No more buts Usako. We love each other. It is time with stop listening to our doubts but our hearts. Now Usako, do you believe me?" Mamoru's eyes shined with pure love and adoration for the little bunny he held with his arms...

Usagi sighed content fully, "Oh Mamo-chan..." As she said that she pulled his head down and kissed him with all the love and feelings she couldn't express with words. But words were not needed as the love that they shared bloomed even more then it had before. No matter what would happen they would always be together. And so the two lovers kissed as a beautiful red rose bloomed behind them, signaling that the love between the two was great.

Pluto watched with a content smile on her face, "About damn time. I bet they want to be alone for a while. No point in rushing them home." And with that Pluto walked out of the garden quietly shutting the door to the garden. But of course the two did not notice because they were a bit preoccupied....

The End...

Like it hate it? tell me what you think. I know it may not of ended the way you thought but I just wanted to get it done and this is what came to be. My first complete fic. I really hoped you liked it. I really hoped you liked it. Please Review or Email me. Now the only problem is what fic to work on next. If you have any suggestions about that email me too. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed.

Usagirl


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